Written beyond the Sea

Shervie Ulibas

6 March 2020

FD 2

Word Count: 1052

Written beyond the Sea

A chilly breeze blankets my entity as I stare out into the sparkling waters before me. The mere sight of the ocean causes a wave of fear within my being that is akin to the violent ones that are mercilessly crashing against the rocks below. My knees begin to tremble as I make my way towards the edge of the cliff that overlooks the rather empty beach. Others fear heights, insects or clowns; however, I have always grown weary just by the thought of the far-reaching ocean, which in turn has led me to this very moment of facing my biggest distress. [THESIS] “After this, all of my worries and frights will be written beyond the sea,”[THESIS] I reassured myself as I sat close to the brink of the cliff.

Weeks before I have finally decided to get rid of my life long phobia. I came across Anaïs Nin’s diary entry from July 1944 that sweetly spoke of the sun and the sea’s power of restoring her strength. It was at that moment that I chose to seek the mending abilities of the daunting ocean in hopes that it will soon provide the same purpose to me as it did to Anaïs Nin. In an attempt to relieve the churning of my stomach as my feet dangled off at the edge of the earth. I hummed a tune quietly to myself while my fingers fumbled with the zippers of my backpack. After a few minutes; I successfully took my journal out of my bag and flipped it onto a fresh crisp page. With the sound of the waves beneath me loudly ringing in my ears. I felt the beat of my heart accelerate to the point where I felt like hurling. My fingers tightened their grip around the spine of my journal while my soft hums turned into disoriented melodies. I averted my eyes away from the view of the glistening waters and attempted to prevent myself from turning inside out. Still clutching on my wide-open journal for dear life; my undivided attention was now on the moving clouds hanging above my head. The gentleness of the skies have always had a profound effect on me, for a single glance of its delicate color brings a sense of calmness that I could only hope the sea will soon offer me as well.

I loosened the hold of my journal and directed my concentration back on the rather difficult task that is ahead of me as I soon felt the rate of my heartbeat return to its usual stable rhythm. Many individuals have claimed that it is quite simple to strip one’s phobia away from them if they were to ever face them head-on. Though as I sit before that seemingly angry sea; I begin to second guess my decision of dealing with my fear along with those statements made by others because I cannot find at least one reason that causes people to continue insisting on the tranquil qualities of being at the beach. As the burning rays of the sun beat down on my skin; I finally took my pen between my fingers and wrote down the frustrating emotions that are currently running their course through my veins as I am once more engulfed by the salty winds. 

November 4, 2018

It is beyond me that there are people who actually enjoy the taste of the salty breeze that ripples through their clothes as they dwell in this type of environment. Sure the color of the water is heavenly, but why is it so angry? I almost feel sorry for the rocks that lie close to the shore, for they are the ones that are being harshly pounded by the waves. I must admit; however, that as scary as it may seem, the sound of the waters breaking is beginning to grow on me. Does this mean that perhaps I am gradually uncovering said renewing abilities of the ocean? Am I slowly writing all my fears beyond the sea?

• 

• 

As I scribbled those last words against the paper. I couldn’t help myself from stopping before I could even write any more of my lingering thoughts, for I have not a clue what came over me that led to those surprising questions and declarations to be written upon my journal. Perhaps with the help of writing; I am steadily easing into the notion that the unsettling waters belonging to the ocean provide some sort of stillness. I did not think that I would soon be admitting that there are aspects of the sea that has gotten to me considering the fact that I have only been here for a short amount of time. Additionally, while I was in the middle of carefully placing my pen beside me, I also caught my legs swinging in a manner that suggests I am no longer uneasy. Due to the progress that is taking place at a rather rapid pace. The corners of my lips could not be restrained from forming into a genuine grin. Although I am most certain that writing into my journal played a huge role in my simple breakthroughs. I nonetheless felt proud of myself for working out through what I believe to be the most difficult step in this personal endeavor of mine.

With the same grin planted upon my lips. I reread what I had just written within the page of my journal and all at once; the last fragment of agony that I was feeling previously had flourished into an overflowing sense of fulfillment. However small and slow my progress is to fully rid of my fear of the ocean. I was more than happy to ease some of that burden that sat atop my chest by inscribing my emotions and thoughts into paper. Phobias and things that cause panic within people are unavoidable; it isn’t easy to dive into getting rid of them right away seeing as it takes a significant amount of time for it to fully disperse. That is the lesson that dawned upon me as I sat before the sea and all of its wonders. Until I am fully free from the chains of my phobia; I shall inscribe all of my fears and let the flow of the waters carry them beyond the sea.